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Letting Go of Secrets and Shame

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I have a secret I’ve been holding onto for a long time, a secret that makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed.

I think a lot of secrets are like this, even if they start small, over time they become weights that hold us down. I want to share my secret with you both to set myself free and to let you know that you’re not alone. You may not have the same secrets or problem(s) I have, but you have things you keep hidden in the dark because of fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, pain….

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Finding Grace in the Aftermath of Trauma

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Today would have been my mom’s 70th birthday. She killed herself 12 years ago. This day isn’t tinged with terrible sadness for me, it’s not heavy. Some years it comes and goes and I don’t even realize until a few days later that it’s passed.

This year I felt it coming. It’s complicated. I’m sad, I’m relieved, I feel a bit adrift. There’s a space inside me that’s empty, but the truth is that that emptiness was there even before she died. I was holding that space for her and filling it up with all my dreams and fantasies of what our relationship could be. But they were just dreams and when she died they vanished into nothingness.

I grieved the loss of my dreams, the loss of what could be, the wasted potential, but I made quick work of it and built a wall around that empty space so I could pretend it wasn’t there. I felt that because her life had been so painful for her, and because my life was easier with her gone, that her death was a net win for our team. I made it simple in my mind, breathed a sigh of relief, and “moved on.” But it doesn’t work that way. The pieces of our story (of ourselves, really) that we deny will resurface again and again until we hear them, until we bring them back into our hearts.

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Feelings Don’t Have an Expiration Date

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My beloved dog, who has been my best friend and favorite person for the last twelve years, suddenly passed away three weeks ago. My whole family is devastated, and I am especially bereft. He was our family dog, but mostly he was my dog. For the last eight years I’ve either worked from home or been home with my kids, and he was my constant companion. Since he died, I’ve found myself completely unable to adequately describe both the intensity of our bond and the magnitude of my current suffering.

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How to Make Decisions Intuitively

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True progress on your path can only happen when you find the courage to listen to your intuition and make the choices that resonate deeply with you, regardless of how well they match up to what other people/society/logic say you should do.

Each of us has our own unique path, and therefore our own unique value system. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa. What matters is making the most expansive choices for ourselves–these are the choices that we make intuitively and that naturally align with our paths and our values.

But how do you actually make those intuitive decisions?

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How to Overcome Fear & Take Action

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When we set our sights on achieving things that really matter, the stakes feel high. The more deeply we care about something, the more vulnerable we become to fear and doubt.

The real problem with fear is this: it often prevents us from taking action. When we don’t act, we feel stuck. And the longer we feel stuck, the harder it becomes to act.

But here’s the thing: we’re collaborators with the universe and our action is required.

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Ushering in 2016 With Grace & Openness

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The beginning of a new year is such an exciting time, but sometimes it can be tiring and overwhelming to think about a brand new year stretching out ahead of you. (You’d better make it count, right? This’ll be the best year ever! The year you finally get your shit together, make that change, do that thing, find happiness/success/health! Ugh, just writing those examples makes me feel bad!)

Rather than create a list of goals and resolutions that will either be forgotten or cause you stress (or, um, both), I suggest you take my simple, compassionate approach to transitioning to a new year. Three simple steps, which work fabulously to usher in the new year but can also be used any time you want to hit the reset button.

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Top Three Lessons I Learned in 2015

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As 2015 draws to a close I’ve been reflecting on my year and thinking about everything I learned. This year threw me a lot of curve balls and I experienced a lot of resistance and frustration.

But I had a lot of breakthroughs, too, and in many ways I feel like this past year has been one of the most transformative of my life. I feel so much more grounded than I did a year ago, and I’ve laid the foundation for the even bigger changes that are coming in 2016.

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Recognizing Your Gifts

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You’ve been told so many times that you already have what you need to be who you’re here to be (and do what you’re here to do), but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes it feels like, well where is all that magical stuff? Where is my self-love, my discipline, my clarity? If I already have it then why doesn’t it feel like I do?

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A Lesson in “Right Timing”

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The phrase, “right things, right timing.” is a favorite of mine because it helps me release my tendency to control. I say it to myself all the time when things don’t go the way I want them to or aren’t happening on the timeline I’d prefer.

This phrase isn’t just a platitude to soothe disappointments–it’s true. I can’t think of a time in my life when something didn’t go the way I wanted, but I realized later that what I’d wanted wasn’t the best thing after all.

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My Biggest Challenge Right Now

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This week I channeled some guidance I didn’t want to hear. It was intended for my email subscribers but I didn’t want to send it out because it felt too challenging. (Note that this guidance is for me, too, and I wanted something less challenging!) So I channeled more guidance, which I also didn’t like.

I kept channeling guidance until I had six weeks’ worth of guidance…and I didn’t like any of it.

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